shimmey shimmey quarter turn

Friday, July 01, 2005

up against the wall <3

SUGAR WERE GOING DOWN SWINGING
I'LL BE YOUR NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET
A LOADED GOD COMPLEX

COCK IT AND PULL IT

so i got this thing back .... finally. my computer was being gay and wouldnt let me do anything one here and then some people that i will not mention went through this and decided to tell my dad everythign that was in here and got me in trouble. to those people i say get a life. it was my fault that the wrong people saw this too. i was the one that put the link for this in my info and they had nuthing else to do besides read this and get me in trouble.

so its summer now and i still have to do all my summer reading projects. i have to read 3 big think books and do some poetry project. i still havnt gotten my permitt but i think were going to go try and get it this weekend. last time i went to the mva i didnt have any form of id and i couldnt take the stupid test because of the no id thing. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 10:49 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

ill sleep next to the phone <3

you broke my heart again this time you faded out you crossed the line

-underoath <3

so im in first period and we got the computer lab ....

hellogoodbye <3

ive been listening to a butt load of adelphi now .... they just really seem to fit whats all going on right now. everyone is confused and i just dont know whats hoing on anymore. i woke up this morning 8 minutes before the bus came and i just threw on a shirt and i ended up putting on a shirt that i wore last time i saw him and it smells like him .... not in a bad way. its just that things are hard. sometimes im fine as if nuthing ever happened then sometimes its just really really hard .... especially when he doesnt know whats going on. i thought that going to sleep last night would help me forget about everything .... that didnt really work because my effing dreams turned on me. i just want to know whats going on. i cant stop thinking about everything. first period = over.

- - - - cut my heart out babe - - - -

so now im in third period and i have nuthing to do because i just took my exam which was just a reflection on my my painting that i finished yesterday. my painting is actually not that bad looking. so i have all these random adelphi songs getting stuck in my head such as this one:

"how can you possibly see your digging your self deeper all the time or is this what youve wanted all along"

adelphi is my <3 right now because they are helping me through everything as pathedic as that sounds music and me help me get through things. when my friends try adn tell me stuff it doesnt really help because they dont really know what to say all the time but i still <3 them for trying and the fact that they care enough to try and help means the world .... plus mars <3

omg i just found out that adelphi has a new effing cd and its only $4 .... so if anyone wants to show my some <3 it would be much apprechiated <3

adelphi is for lovers .... forget ohio

so now im looking at hellogoodbye lyrics because there is nuthing else to do. so i actually went to sleep at quater till 10 last night .... im used to going to sleep at 11:30 - 1:30. this really sucks how i cant do anything without thinking about everything that happened ....

since when does hellogoodbye have profanity .... hoes <3

bands that im possibly seeing at warped tour if i get my tickets ....

http://warpedtour.com/8-12.html

so i think i want to just let everything out on here how im feeling at the moment because i really want to get this all effing out. ready .... set .... ran out of breath ....

so many pictures .... i havnt really put a lot of pictures in here in a while/ until now ....

+++++++++plus+++++++++

classy underoath pictures <3

so i dont really feel like copy/pasting right now so enough with that. i dunno i feel i bit crappy right now .... just thinking about everything. its making my heart hurt. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 05:45 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

you only stay to break my heart i can tell it by the way you runaway runaway girl <3

spring broke my heart
-adelphi <3

so i thought yesterday sucked .... last night was way worse. finding out that ive been lied to again. i havnt eaten anything today either and that makes my stomach hurt worse. so i hate a lot right now. i hate how he never ment anything. i hate how i fall into this all the time. i hate how i was lied to. i hate how i cant stop crying. i hate how everything hurts. i hate how im reacting. i hate how everything is right now. i hate how i let my self feel. i hate how it was all a lie. i hate how things cant go back. i hate how things are different. i hate that its gone. i hate that its difficult.

angry jessica lyrics <3

you know id do anything for one last phone call to tell you goodnight
-adelphi <3 (but im not sure if those are the exact lyrics .... pathedic huh)

so let me geet this straight .... so now you leave me all alone
-anberlin <3

so to get over this im going to beccas this weekend and im getting trashed. i hate how that’s the way i cope with things. i drink and take pills. everything hurts though so bad. i feel like nothing even happened but everything happened. i hate how i still feel this way. i hate how i cant put things behind me. i really hate what everyone says too. i want it all to go away. i feel like someone put their hand in my chest and tore out my heart for the world to see. i hate everything. i hate how it wo i guess that’s all. peace …. jessica <3

Posted at 11:27 am by sleepingawake
Comment (1) Permalink

Monday, June 06, 2005

hey unloving i will love you <3

life seems easier when were not miles apart
-adelphi <3

so im in the worst mood of my life. im so stupid and i feel crappy. i took pills yesterday and it made me forget everything that happened. its so weird how i went from this huge high then to a devistating low. the pills evened it out for me. all day today my heart has been beating wildly and i either feel sick to my stomach or like im going to have a heart attack. my heart has just felt like its going to jump right out my chest. my whole entire body feels heavy. ever since my dad came home last night and gave me that speech ive just felt like with one small touch i could shatter into a million pieces and i hurt. i hurt everywhere. my body hurts physically and mentally. my head has been hurting from the stress of things and from allergies. my whole body feels heavy. my chest hurts. i didnt eat last night. its all my fault and i ruined everything. i just want to go home and cry. my dad was trying to be nice to me this morning and he said its all because he cares and i understnad but it hurts. it feels like someone ripped out my heart and put it on display. everything is my fault and i hate my self for that. i think i might take somemore pills when i go home tonight. im nottaking them to hurt my self .... just to calm my self down. i hurt everyone including my self. im so selfish. its funny because i was listenig to hellogoodbye and they were singing about how i felt which is weird because they are so happy sounding.

"miles of air and road and land seperate me from all my plans. were having having having fun but something something something tells me i miss some one. but i hope hope hope you didnt forget me i couldnt forget you the whole time always knew. i knew if only you were hear things would be more magical and if i were there right now things would be more radical. your so not here im wishing i could place a call and feel closer to you", said hellogoodbye

"crying my heart out", said jessica

i hurt .... this hurts. i want to cry. i feel horrible for hurting everyone .... exspecially you. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 11:35 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Friday, June 03, 2005

texas with a dollar sign <3

if you could see me now would you beg or would you cry

would you look me in the eyes and say

how long has it been

ive been missing you so much

did you miss me

-adelphi <3

so computers effing suck. im trying so hard to get back on im but computers hate me. im at my mammaws and it takes forever to get anything running on here so i have to sit here until everything desides to load .... finally. so i know i already wrote/typed in here once today but i have nuthing else to do. so here i am working on this and im is desiding to be so gay again and it sucks. the effing internet makes me want to cry.

so a lot of people are really making me mad now. people change from rad to .... hold on i have to write/type about the koolest thing i saw today .... so i was in the car with my mammaw and my little brother and i looked out the window on to the road because i was feeling sad and stuff and the road had something written on it from when they did construction on it and it said," *something something something .... rad". the road totally said "rad". i really wanted to have a camera with me then because it was just so kool. so back to what i was saying .... people they change from rad to gay in a snap .... well not really a snap but it seems like it really just kind of happened out of no where and i hate that so much. a lot of people have just desided to start sucking out of no where.

//the internet should die seriously\\

so this weekend already sucks for the following reasons:

1. the internet is a crack whore

2. SATs
3. no soccer game
4. i want to run right now but i cant because its raining
vvvvvvvv this is the biggest reason :(

5. i dont get to see totally rad nameless kid and it hurts .... it hurts bad. the stupid internet is hardly working and thats making it harder for me to be able to talk to him <3

so im pretty sad now and i feel pressure under my eye lids and my eyes feel heavy and that only means one thing ;tears; but im pulling them back with a rope. this weekend makes me so pissed off. im trying to sign on to im again so that way i can try and talk to him. i feel really crappy now. i want to listen to music and drive down drive ways and hold fingers and watch movies about states that <3 their plants. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 05:27 pm by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

non stop english <3

from the corner of your bed side

to the corner of room

-burning rosewood <3

effing stolen/swipped burning rosewood picture <3

james james james in a chair chair

chair <3

my my my totally rad nameless kid <3

so how about that survey yesterday .... it was balls to the wall .... s. so im getting ready for this weekend .... i got extra studying stuff for math finals and im taking some art projects home and some SAT review stuff that i should have done a week or two ago. i have two paintings to finish for my art classes. im all over school .... im a school slut .... only not at all <3

so mammaw spent the night last night and oh man forget that .... i went driving yesterday for my driving time and it rocked. i went over 40 miles per hour and i ran over a squirell (that was already dead and i couldnt really miss it) and my driving teacher called some guy an a-star-star-hole while we were driving .... it was awesome. my nest driving time is on sunday and next sunday i get to drive on 95 .... holey cow.

me+95xdriving=rad <3

so mammaw .... she spent the night last night and i had gnocchi for dinner and it was the best and i had some for breakfast this morning <3 because im effing crazy. so she slept on the bed/couch and my brother slept there with her and slept in my bed. i stayed up till almost 2 again last because of that totally rad nameless kid and it was so hard getting off the phone. i cant stand getting offthe phone with him .... it sucks more than a sluts mouth at a whore house. i dont get to see him all effing weekend and it sucks .... so bad. so im gonna try and just chill like an ice cube on line all weekend but only when im not studying or painting. this is the first weekend that wehavnt seen each other in a while. i cant hold hands/fingers .... play hide/seek .... "listen to music" .... or do anything rad with him all effing weekend .... *huge sad face*. talking to him last night was kool .... he made me red .... a lot but what else is new and made me tingle (not that way perv faces <3) and its the koolest thing ever. i dont think ive ever told the truth as much i do with him <3 and its rad. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 07:47 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Thursday, June 02, 2005

how can i check lost and found when im too busy getting down <3

ill hear your voice so loud when your whispering

-underoath <3

survey time bitches <3

1. Name: jessica
2. Your Nick Names: jessica face//slut face//hey you//guadalupe
4. Place of Birth: hospital
5. Zodiac Sign: virgo
6. Male or Female: female
7. age: 16
8. School: my school
9. Occupation: full time slut face .... just kidding i dont have a job
10. Residence: my house
11. Screen Name: shamepaintedface

__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Color: dark brown
13. Hair Long or Short: shorrt
14. Eye Color: brown
15. How do your nails look: nuthing except for a little white heart i painted on my pinky nail a month ago
17. Do you have a crush on someone right NOW (truthfully): yes and he KNOWS who he is
20. Think your attractive: i dont think im ugly and i dont think im pretty but i do think im pretty in my own unique jessica way with my chinkey eyes and emo glasses <3
21. Piercings: one in each ear
22. Tattoo: no
23. Righty or Lefty: right

___Your 'Firsts'___
24. First RollerCoaster: i dont remember because ive rode so many .... im a roller caoster slut
25. First cell phone: i dont have one of my own
26. First best friend(s): sarah goodin
27. First Award: probably got it some where in elementary school
28. First Sport You Joined: ballet
29. First pet: ziljain .... yellow lab
30. First vacation: ocean city i think
31. First Concert: some country concert with my dad
32. First True Love: secret <3

___ Favorites___

33. Movie: LOVE & SEX
34. TV Show: saturday night live
35. Color: teal
36. Bands: finch//hellogoodbye//underoath//anberlin//adelphi//reggie and the full effect//burning rosewood//all time low//the track record//and many many more
37. Song: everlong by foo fighters
38. Food: squash/zuccinni
39. Drink: water/red bull
40. Candy: basic plain old hersheys chocolate bar
41. Sport : soccer
42. Fav sport To Watch: soccer
43. Brand Of Clothing: anything from delias
44. Stores: delias//urban outfitters//i dont know i shop everywhere
45. School Subject: math//art//photography
46. Animal: kiwi <3
48. Magazines: spin//marie claire//surf

___Currently___

49. Eating: nothing
50. Drinking: nothing
52. Online?: yes
53. Listening to: fags in computer class
54. Thinking About: getting this done
55. Wanting To: see totally rad nameless kid <3
56. Watching: the computer screen

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids?: yes
59. Want to Get Married?: yes
60. Careers in Mind: architecture

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

67. Cute or Sexy: cute
68. Lips or Eyes: both
69. Hugs or Kisses: both but more kisses
70. Short or Tall: tall
71. Easygoing or serious: both
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: both
73. Fatty or Skinny: skinny boys bother me
74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: i dunno

___Have You Ever___

78. Kissed a Stranger: no
79. Drank Alcohol: yes
80. Smoked: yes
81. Ran Away From Home: no
82. Broken a Bone: no
83. Got an X-ray: yes
84. Broken Someones Heart: yes
86. Turned Someone Down: yes
87. Cried When Someone Died: yes
88. Cried At School: from cramps <3

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: yes
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First Sight: i dunno
92. Ghosts: i dunno
93. Aliens: no
94. Soul Mates: i dunno
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: no
99. Horoscopes: i dunno

___Answer Truthfully___

100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't Have?: no

wow i havnt done a survey on here in a while. i <3 filling out surveys because they keep me ever so busy. i have my driving time today after school. i ordered my new glasses yesterday .... they are just like the ones i have now but they are ice blue on the inside and on the sides but they are still the same old black emo glasses on the front. i had a double header last night for soccer and we lost both games of course. becca and totally rad namless kid came to my game last night and it made me so effing happy to see them there .... paige didnt come but i really really wanted her to. i have to spend all weekend at my mammaws house and i have effing SATS on saturday. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 11:30 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

so cut my wrists and black my eyes <3

is it getting better
is it getting worse
was it ever worth it
was it just a curse
is it getting better now

-reggie and the full effect <3

so this past weekend/last night rocked. oh man it was so rad. heres another list botch faces <3

1. went and saw star wars with totally rad namless kid. the movie sucked but i had fun watching the movie with him and going to friendlys with him and playing with my discusting clam chowder.

2. saterday .... paige came over and we watched saved and went to random places with mammaw and i got a pom drink and it tastes like a real effing cherry pie its crazy and we came home tried to watch igby goes down but we went to sleep

3. sunday sunday totally rad namless kid came over and it rocked. we watched garden state which is so one of the best movies ever and played hide and seek with my little brother and oh man we caught by my brother and almost got caught by my dad and he wore effing girls american eagle pants to my house. oh man he looked so effing gorgeous. holy cow im not even kidding. i so wanted to rape him. he is the koolest effing kid effing ever and he brought me chocolate and i want to marry him <3

4. monday i stayed home mostly but i got to see totally rad nameless kid at work for a whole minute which sucked because i would rather see him a lot longer but my dad was being a butt face and then last night we talked on the phone till 4:30 or so in the morning. i wasnt that tired either but oh man i definatly told him something last night. i felt bad because i drug it out forever but it was hard to say because its just hard but im taking baby steps to telling him to his face. i <3 his face red skin and all.

so after school todat im suppossed to go get my permitt and im a bit nervious. i would feel like a piece of crap if i didnt get it after already taking drivers ed and i have my first driving time on thursday. thursday is a way kool band. im also trying to get a job for this summer. i really want my internet back at home. school internet sucks my nads. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 11:11 am by sleepingawake
Comment (1) Permalink

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

take it off sex face <3

oh oh yeah yeah oh oh yeah yeah oh oh yeah

- anberlin <3

http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/unknown_cadence/

^^ they have the koolest gj page ever

so im in photography and theres not much going on in this neck of the woods. we had a fire drill today which was stupid because its cold and nearly raining. im mad tired well kind of because i stayed up talking on the phone last night with totally rad nameless kid but it was so worth it. i feel lame-ness creeping over my shoulder .... ready .... GO .... i really wanna see him now omfg. last night rocked .... talking to him until 2 something almost 3 in the morning. too bad that it was only a fire drill and not a b-threat. stupid sluts with no balls. it would have been so kool if i stayed home today so i could sleep and junk. i could have cleaned my room or something. my back really really hurts .... i need to rent an asian-er chick to step all over my painfully painfilled back. so i planned on looking crap today but it turned out being kind of rad. i dont really feel up to writing/typing a lot today .... my appologies. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 08:13 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink

Monday, May 23, 2005

orgasmic tomatoes .... you kids are effing nuts

innocence gone never take friendship personal

if you cant hold yourself together

why should i hold you now

so ive fallen in <3 with anberlin. i got their cd yesterday. i wanted to get their old one/which ever one had the "dodododo" song on it and i got the new one which didnt have the song i want on it. i really like their new cd though <3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so this past weekend .... lets start with friday .... i went to dinner with my dad and my brother. i went to paiges house and i saw "the smokers" and "mean girls" and oh man i <3 those movies now. "the smokers" is so awesome .... holy crap its rad. then we .... fell asleep .... how eventful <3

saturday .... oh man saturday sucked my butt. i woke up early and went home and fell back asleep. then i went to the mva to take my permitt test and when i got there i went up to the lasy at the front desk and asked to take my permitt test and she said, "do you already have your permitt". what is she on .... im coming to take my permitt test therefore i do not have it but maybe she thought i was coming to re-take it. so then i went to the room to take it and the lady there asked me for my birth certificate and i didnt have it with me. i was so pissed. so then i wouldnt hardley talk to anyone and we took my brother to his friends party and i sat in the car. then matt (matt = my brothers friends older brother that is a year younger than me that im kind of friends with because he can be pretty gay and he moved back to jersey to live with his dad a few months ago) so matt came up to my car and started talking to me and it was a bit awkard. so saturday night blew because i didnt get to go out. my dad went to a party and i sat at home and talked on the tel-el-a-phone with totally rad nameless kid and i fell off of my dresser. i was sitting on it writting stuff on my mirror with lipstick and i had a drawer sticking out and i got off of my dresser and i hit my butt and my knee on the drawer and fell on the ground and i have some pretty tall furnature and im only 5 feet with 2 or maybe 3 inches .... so that was a big fall for me <3

sunday bloody sunday .... i went to breakfast with my mammaw <3 and we went to walmart (bitch yes) and i got the anberlin cd. then i went back home and then went shopping and got a bunch of skirts and a rad new jacket and a few shirts. then i went to kfc and had lunch and then i went to my game and oh man my game sucked butt. i only played twice the whole game. it figured that the one day i really really wanted to play i didnt. so then i went to dawns house and totally rad nameless kid came with us to dawns/dads girlfriends house. so when we got there i laid out some rad karate chops and changed my smelly nasty clothes and then oh man we went to the lake/small body of water and as soon as we got there i so went up to the ducks and the were all forget her and they started following me .... i thought they wanted to jump my ass/bite off my fingers and toes. then me and totally rad nameless kid took our shoes off and put of f-e-e-t in the w-a-t-e-r and it was cold and wet .... go figure cold and wet water .... who would have thought. lol. im such a fag face. so then i so tried to through his shoes in the road but that so didnt work out. instead i fell a bunch of times and got so dirty .... i luved it. i wanted to tell him something and i felt bad because i looked pissed when i was just thinking/contemplating if would tell him a certin secret or not. sometimes i really hate the fact that i dont have guts/balls/nads/i dunno what else to call them. he so got me a chewbacca action figure too. oh man he is the koolest. i have so much effing fun with him i want to steal him.

boys speak in rhythm and girls in code
tell it to me straight give it to me now
face forward face forward

you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can translate)
you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can dictate)
you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can translate)
you're speaking foreign language

boys speak in rhythm and girls just lie
tell me how you feel come out of the dark
and we can head back home and I'll know where to start

you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can translate)
you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can dictate)
you're speaking foreign language (nothing I can translate)
you're speaking foreign language

where did we go wrong
we need medication for this miscommunication
where did we wrong
our conversations weaken

boys speak in rhythm and girls in code
boys speak in rhythm and girls just lie

i <3 that song

freaking b-i-t-c-h face i have something in my eye and its been there all morning and i cant get it out .... cunt face slut .... excuse the language. i so have soccer practice tonight and im kind of happy about that for once which is odd. i guess thats all. peace .... jessica <3

Posted at 08:01 am by sleepingawake
Make a comment Permalink